I have a small confession: I am a sucker for the guy who doesn't get the girl.
Recently there have been a few characters who I feel should have gotten the girl. Either they're too boring or are "what their parents or society are telling the girls that they should marry," but for some reason lately it seems that the guys I would choose just aren't getting the girl.
Now, when I was a teen full of angst, I would have wanted Tom LeFroy, Peter, Gabriel, James or, heck, even Will Turner! But today, a few weeks from getting married, I'm reevaluating what I look for in the perfect husband-to-be.
First, let's start with a favorite movie of mine: "Becoming Jane." In this film Tom LeFroy attempts to court Jane Austen. He has little money, is a fighter, very handsome, and definitely not what the Austens or even the LeFroy's had in mind for a match*. On the other hand, a very wealthy Mr. Wisley adores Jane and asks for her hand in marriage. She says no. Now I'm not endorsing not marrying for love, I'm just saying that Mr. Wisley was a smart match. He adored her and was very sweet and romantic and even stood up for her after she turned him down! Sometimes I feel like society tells us that when a boy treats us right it must not be love or that we must fall in love with the boy that we cannot have... the rebel. Think, how many of us have fallen in and out of love with the rebel of our youth — I know I have.
*Remember this is fictional.
In another great movie, Red Riding Hood, Valerie falls in love with the poor, but extremely handsome, and slightly tempered Peter. Right around the corner, Henry, the son of the smith or something like that, asks for her hand in marriage. Henry is just as handsome, slightly more wealthy, and adores her. Again, I'm not saying "go for the guy with money," I'm just pointing out that perhaps, sometimes, our mothers are right.
In Lauren DeStefano's "Wither " you have two similar archetypal characters: Linden versus Gabriel. I've made no reservations about declaring myself Team Linden. I think he's a very caring guy albeit naive and sheltered. Most importantly, I believe he really cares about Rhine. Gabriel, on the other hand, I feel no real connection too. Yes, he "saved" Rhine from a life with "misogynistic" Linden, but that's what society tells us we should want right — the guy who rides in on a white horse? I don't know, maybe I'm spinning circles. While Linden's father was psychotic, I don't think Linden should be held responsible for his father's evilness.
Then there's James versus Henry in Aimee Carter's "The Goddess Test. " Oh, Henry! I adored him! He was absolutely fantastic — one of my recent male character favorites. But society, in this case, still told Kate not to like him because of the whole Hades complex and the "prisoner" bit.
And finally, there's poor, handsome, likable William Turner versus Commodore Norrington. This reference for me is not so much of a "versus" just a quick "did you think of this... " I like Will Turner. I think he genuinely cares for Elizabeth (obviously) and I'm happy for them. But, I think Norrington was made out to be a false "villain" for no other reason than because he had money and status. I think that he, too, genuinely cared for Elizabeth and was attempting to gain her affection the socially acceptable way. But, again, society condemns him for "following the rules of society" (irony) and tells women to fall for the poor guy.
Which begs the question: is it wrong to want a guy who adores me, has some kind of social status, is not poor, and follows the dating rules set by society? If it is not wrong, than why does society continue to impress upon me via literature, movies, etc that I should want to marry the guy who treats me like crap, is full of drama, who my parents hate, and has no money? What's wrong with normalcy in a relationship?
Granted, we read/watch movies to get away from normalcy — I'm just trying to make a point. In real life, what are you looking for? The Mr. Darcy or the Mr. Bingley? For years I've said I want to marry my own Mr. Darcy. But, and no one hate me, the fact of the matter is that I would never want to date/marry Mr. Darcy. His inability to communicate, I feel, would set our marriage up for failure. Sorry, if I'm crushing anyone's vision of perfection here. But why is the "good guy" the wrong guy for the relationship? Do the "good guys" really come in last? Is that society's fault or our own?
When I was sixteen I wanted the rebellious Tom LeFroy and would have and probably did turn up my nose at anyone my parents actually liked. But now, as an adult, that's what I want in a relationship. I want to marry a man my parents like, a man with a job and education, a man with no drama attached, a man who adores me and I don't have to work for it.
Thank God I found him.