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The Story of Us by Deb Caletti
Publisher: Simon Pulse (April 24th, 2012)
Reading Level: Young Adult
Hardcover: 390 pages
Source: ARC from Publisher
Rating: 4 of 5 stars
Cricket’s on a self-imposed break from her longtime boyfriend—but she’s picked a bad week to sort out her love life. For one thing, her mother’s romance is taking center stage: After jilting two previous fiancés, her mom is finally marrying Dan Jax, whom Cricket loves. But as wedding attendees arrive for a week of festivities at a guesthouse whose hippie owners have a sweet, sexy son—Ash—complications arise:Cricket’s future stepsisters make it clear they’re not happy about the marriage. An old friend decides this is the week to declare his love for Cricket. Grandpa chooses to reveal a big secret at a family gathering. Dan’s ex-wife shows up. And even the dogs—Cricket’s old, ill Jupiter and Dan’s young, lively Cruiser—seem to be declaring war.
While Cricket fears that Dan is in danger of becoming ditched husband-to-be number three, she’s also alarmed by her own desires. Because even though her boyfriend looms large in her mind, Ash is right in front of her…

Review:

The Story of Us is a serious book, but there are so many hilarious moments. Cricket's family has gathered with her mom's future-husband Dan's family for their wedding and it's a little like that movie Christmas Vacation. There are so many disasters happening around every corner. Cricket's worried about her mom taking off again before the wedding but she's also dealing with her own issues which include the cute guy Ash, her evil future step-sisters, and a house full of crazy, stressed out family members.

Cricket was a good character because she does truly love her family and worry about them — even her older brother. And while she is young, she still comes off as mature and wise. She wants what's best for her mom and that has become a big priority in her life. She has started to question her relationship with Janssen. They have been together forever but she just can't get over a few doubts. Although we don't really get to know Janssen first-hand, he is still very much included in the book. Cricket emails with him often and shares their history. This gives us a great chance to get to know him through her experiences and he was a fascinating character!

Ash is there, and he's hot, and he pays attention to Cricket. He has a bit of that dark, mysterious vibe going on and that really draws Cricket to him. She just has trouble finding out if that's real affection or her just latching on to something for comfort.

The plot was really what created such a well-rounded story in this book. Each character brought so much drama and fun. I think that everyone will find at least a few characters who remind them of a person in their own family. Some parts of the story lagged a bit for me, especially with a great deal of focus on the family dog. Not that I dislike dogs, I don't, but her emails with Janssen were mostly about the dog and I just wanted to know more about their relationship instead.

This book is a real coming-of-age story, involving a girl just trying to deal with the changes in her life. As with many young adults, change is scary and it can be difficult to let go of the security of a home, boyfriend, or friend. It's a time where a person takes a big leap of faith and that's exactly what Cricket had to learn to do. Deb Caletti truly knows how to target the mind of a teenager and dive into their dreams and fears.

Recommended: People looking for something cute and funny, but with a deeper meaning.

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Back in May when I started planning the"Stand Up Against Abuse" feature, I talked often with Deb Caletti. She is so fantastic in so many ways but it really amazed me how honest and open she is about her own personal struggles with an abusive relationship. While reading her story, and seeing the list of"warning signs" she had posted, I was brought to tears several times. This was a list formed for the book The Secret Life of Prince Charming and Deb was kind enough to let me post this list here.
This list is so helpful! If you think your partner may be abusive, or if you know a friend who you suspect may be going through abuse, please take time to read this list. I've had a few instances of relationship abuse, one personal, and one through watching a friend go through it. I've seen how it can tear a person down. I've seen how it can turn from loving to obsessive and how that obsession can turn into a deadly situation.
I hope that the interviews from this week, and this list, will help the readers see how abuse can take over and truly destroy so many lives.

Watch Out!: Mom’s “refrigerator list” from The Secret Life of Prince Charming, by Deb Caletti

He has a victim attitude
The rules apply to everyone else, not him
He wants to get involved too fast.
He belittles you or your accomplishments.
He has big dreams but no real plans to back them up.
You have a sense that something’s wrong, but can’t quite figure out what it is.
He criticizes what you wear.
He uses phrases like, ‘Women are always… ’ ‘Women never… ’
He’s a thrill-seeker.
He’s a perfectionist, tells you how things should be done.
He’s moody or intense.
He tells you about his terrible childhood, or you feel sorry for him.
He’s a dirty, rotten liar.
He tells you you’re lucky to have him.
He says you’re too sensitive.
You feel you need to pay a private detective to get the truth about him.
He blames others for his actions.
He competes with you.
He tells you you’re perceiving a situation wrong – negates instead of validates what you
feel.
He’s explosive.
He nitpicks.
You feel he’s never experienced real love and so you want to save him with yours.
He often feels rejected by you.
He’s jealous or watchful — you feel suffocated.
He is mistreated or misunderstood.
He has either a very low opinion of himself, or a very high one.
He has strong black and white thinking about morals, religion, sex, you, and feels morally
superior to you and others.
He calls you names.
You get the feeling that you’re only getting part of the story.
You begin to think your feelings are wrong, you’re not seeing clearly, or you begin to
make excuses for him.
He thinks there is a right way to do everything. He denies being controlling – he states
he is only helping you do things “better.”
He says something didn’t happen that did happen (“gaslighting”).
He criticizes your friends or family and tries to isolate you or dominate your time.
He controls how the relationship goes – where you go out, what you eat, when you are
done talking.
He believes or acts as if he is more special than other people.
His words twist and turn in an argument or otherwise – he’s manipulative.
You hear him lie to other people or excessively exaggerate.
He treats you like you’re stupid or crazy, or tells you so.
He drops names or his accomplishments or things meant to impress into conversations
whenever he can.
He has ardent, narrow and very traditional views of men’s and women’s roles.
He’s overly sensitive, and reads things in to what you say. He’s always getting his
feelings hurt.
He extremely interested in his appearance or his body.
He still throws tantrums.
He has a family background that involves alcoholism, violence or mental illness.
He is distant and cold one minute and then warm and loving the next.
He withholds his love and affection when he’s angry, instead of talking with you about
what’s on his mind.
He thinks the rules don’t apply to him.
He thinks he deserves only the best, and doesn’t like to settle for less.
He does not admit to or recognize mistakes, or his part of a problem.
He ignores you often or is often distant.
He does poorly at school or work; he has trouble getting along with those in authority; he
quits jobs often or spontaneously.
He uses drugs or has had numerous sexual partners or has legal or financial problems.
He is an outrageous flirt.
At the start of your relationship, he uses excessive flattery and tells you just what you
want to hear.
He doesn’t admit to being angry, even when he’s yelling.
He needs excessive approval.
He’d dependent on you.
He’s a loner.
He thinks rules were made to be broken.
He’s aggressive, or a bully.
He is in any way too forceful or does not respect your boundaries.
He’s always in the spotlight.
You’ve given up telling him how you really feel – there’s no use.
No one but you sees his bad side.
Everyone but you sees his bad side.

Remember to check out THIS PAGE to sign up to win a copy of the books featured during"Stand Up Against Abuse" week. Help spread the word about the links and phone numbers listed on that page.

1.What made you decide to share a story involving relationship abuse?

My initial goals were less about message than story — I wanted to write something suspenseful and atmospheric, a ghost story. That said, healthy and unhealthy relationships are subjects I keep returning to as a writer, probably because of my own past experience.

While I’ve not been in a relationship exactly like Clara’s, I’ve been with an abusive partner. (You can read more about this here, if you’re interested: http://debcaletti.com/archives/59).

Now, I just have this hope, this big, giant HOPE that young women (and young men) manage to stay out of those places. I hope they’ll understand themselves better than I did, I hope that they’ll put themselves only in good hands, and, more than anything, I hope that they’ll know. There was so much I didn’t know. And how can we know all that we need to about this, with the basic messages we still get? This is why I shared this particular story. To say, please know. To say, hey, those vampire books… The ones that show dark, obsessive “love” as romantic? There’s nothing romantic in something that will slowly but surely steal your confidence, joy, and ability to act in your own best interest. There’s nothing romantic about a person who frightens you.

2. What do you think teens should know in order to stay safe in a relationship?

I think it’s important to be smart and know the warning signs of a potentially abusive partner. Getting involved quickly, intensity, possessiveness, jealousy — these are things that might not seem like a big deal unless you’re aware that they are indicators of serious trouble ahead. But, even more, it’s important to listen to ourselves. Things can go wrong slowly, and there are always those little red flags at the beginning, those times when we think, “Huh? What was THAT?” We ignore that voice sometimes, though, because the “love” or excitement or approval feels so good right then. We might see red flags, but not want to see. Our strong need/desire for the relationship can cause us to explain away the worrisome things we see. But, “He wants me” is not the same thing as “He loves me.” And that little voice inside going, “Hey, wait. There’s something wrong here” – it knows.

3. Are there any resources for teens that you would recommend? (websites, phone numbers, groups, etc.)

The first thing I would suggest if you find yourself in a situation like Clara’s (or any other type of abusive relationship) is to start talking – to friends, family, teachers, counselors. People on the bus. The mail lady. Anyone. Your reality gets very twisted up, and it’s crucial to hear voices of clarity. Having someone say, “He/she did WHAT?!” is a first step to seeing straight and getting out. Their outrage and sense of what’s normal is hugely important, as you’ve likely lost both of those things. You can also call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE or the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline at 1-866-331-9474. One site for teens: www.loveisrespect.org.

4. What do you hope teenagers take from reading STAY?

If STAY helps readers recognize what this kind of relationship abuse looks like, how it builds, how complicated your feelings become, and the long-lasting damage it can do, then I am one happy writer. Too, I hope readers will see that anyone can find themselves in that place. Clara is “anyone.” I get really upset with the people (often other women, even more often very young women), who say, “Not me. Never me. She’s an idiot. I would NEVER… ” It’s arrogant, unkind, and naïve. The slope from here to there is slippery and complex, and the effect one person can have on another – on their confidence, strength, and their capacity to take action – can be profound and dramatic.

I hope readers will also take away the fact that abuse is always bigger than you are. The issues that drive someone to do those things are not solvable or cured by your love or reassurance or even by you setting down the rules of what you’ll put up with. There is no approach you can take to make it “work.” The most important thing is this: real love does not ever, ever cause you to feel small, trapped, or scared. Real love is safe.

Stay by Deb Caletti
Publisher: Simon Pulse (April 5th, 2011)
Reading Level: Young Adult
Hardcover: 313 pages

Clara's relationship with Christian is intense from the start, and like nothing she’s ever experienced before. But what starts as devotion quickly becomes obsession, and it's almost too late before Clara realizes how far gone Christian is—and what he's willing to do to make her stay.
Now Clara has left the city—and Christian—behind. No one back home has any idea where she is, but she still struggles to shake off her fear. She knows Christian won't let her go that easily, and that no matter how far she runs, it may not be far enough…

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Remember to check out THIS PAGE to sign up to win a copy of this book and the other books mentioned during"Stand Up Against Abuse" week. Help spread the word about the links and phone numbers listed on that page.